> Dear Mr Atkinson,
>
> My organisation, www.duckandbeer.com, would like to remind
> you that whilst
> beer, and indeed, duck, are two nouns, and thus not
> trademark-able, putting
> the two words together is the trademark upon which my organisation is
> founded.
>
> Should you not reliquish the www.beerandduck.com website
> immediately, a
> substantial amount of litigation will ensue, with the direct
> result that
> your organisation will be forced to declare insolvency.
>
> Alternatively, if you do not wish to relinquish your rights to
> beerandduck.com, you may alternatively provide my client with an
> @beerandduck.com email address.
>
> I look forward to a positive response, and not having to call
> in Mr Big and
> "Knuckles", to beat the living daylights out of you.
>
> Kind Regards,
>
> Sirk Yrogerg
>
> (on behalf of)
>
> Gregory Kris

> Dear Sir,
>
> Your client, Mr Gregory Kris is making some bold claims with
> regard to my client's online presence at www.beerandduck.com.
> I have attached a copy of these claims below for reference.
>
> Regardless of which his @beerandduck.com email address has
> been operational for some weeks (greg@beerandduck.com).
>
> In relation to the aforementioned @beerandduck.com email address
> Mr Kris should be aware of the minimum qualifying conditions and
> annual tariffs associated.
>
> I quote from the "Beer and Duck website terms and conditions"
> never previously published anywhere:
> "1.2.3.2.3.1.1.a The recipient of an @beerandduck.com email
> address must attend at least one meeting of the beer and duck
> board in any six month period..."
>
> AND
>
> "3.2.3.3.56.2.1.d An annual tariff of 1 imperial pint (.56 litre)
> of the beverage of the email address administrators choice  shall
> be paid on demand by all holders of @beeranddduck.com email
> addresses, those individuals having contributed to the initial
> monetary outlay to be excused payment."
>
> AND
>
> "1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.a No pufters!"
>
> Yours faithfully,
>
> Sir Benedict Montague De Beaufort-Quilly Q.C.
>
> on behalf of
>
> Nigel Atkinson
>
> Att.
>

I think that this should be resolved with a test of wit between the two,
fetch the Niacane powder. Lets see who has spent the last two years building
up an immunity to it.

[Carlos Casanova]

Dear Sirs,

Many thanks for your speedy reply.

You may rest assured that, although your terms and conditions are clear and,
indeed, relatively simple to adhere to, my team of crack lawyers (by which I
mean lawyers who are on crack-cocaine) declare them unconsitutional.

My client (the afore-mentioned Gregory "real deal - XXXL" Kris) would very
much like to recieve a full list of the terms and conditions (previously
unpublished), or should such a list not exist, I would recommend that we do
get such a list drafted and ratified at a bi-weekly meeting or call an EGM.

My client would like to remind you that although he welcomes a battle of
wits with the so-called Mr Atkinson, email administrator extraordinaire, he
fears such a scheme would invalidate the democratic process and would prefer
a "battle of tits" instead.

Yours, in anticipation of a positive and speedy response,

Brig. Gen. G Kris - VC DFC BAR (Mrs)

Dear Brig. Gen. G Kris - VC DFC BAR (Mrs)

I have been asked by a number of representatives, who must remain annonymous
for legal and medical reasons, to advise you that we understand from an
undisclosed representative of our offical representative in Bahrain that an
officer operating under license from your agences bureau.. is gay.

I am sure you can understand the shock and dismay that we felt when news of
this discovery made its way to offices of the beerandduck consulate.
Therefore I must order you to refer once again to the terms laid out in the
correspondance from Sir Benedict Montague De Beaufort-Quilly Q.C. dated
Monday 9 July. Attached for your convience..

"1.2.3.2.3.1.1.a The recipient of an @beerandduck.com email address must
attend at least one meeting of the beer and duck board in any six month
period..."

AND

"3.2.3.3.56.2.1.d An annual tariff of 1 imperial pint (.56 litre)of the
beverage of the email address administrators choice  shall be paid on demand
by all holders of @beeranddduck.com email addresses, those individuals
having contributed to the initial monetary outlay to be excused payment."

AND, of course most importantly

"1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.a No pufters!"


A.K.A The French are all Gay


With Kind Regards For, on behalf of, by and indeed nearby,

Sir Hugo De La Forte FCIS FCIA FCCP MInstD, TCPIP

Dear Sir Hugo De La Forte FCIS FCIA FCCP MInstD, TCPIP,

Far be it for my client to resort to personal insults regarding the kin of
Sir Hugo and Sir Benedict Montague De Beaufort-Quilly Q.C., suffice to say
that my client is not "gay" as you call it (although he can be quite merry
and high-spirited), and indeed was completely exhonerated for the one
incident with the two young filipino boys and the tub of "angel delight" in
Bangkok three years ago.

Futhermore, although he has been known to interest persons of the opposite
gender persuasion (females), he would not welcome any more explicit advances
from either of your maternal parents and would most certainly does not want
to defile the honour and the syphillitic and wart-ridden bodies of both Lady
De La Forte, and Lady De Beaufort-Quilly. Certainly, he is now immune to
penecillin after the particularly strong "dose" he received during a
felching session with these two honourable ladies at Henley 3 summers ago.

He would also like it to be known that all Italians are greasy wops, and
have incredibly tiny reproductive organs.

Yours, with a due sense of weariness and outrage,

Brig. Gen. Sir G Kris ACDC SMS ASAP FAAC